2013

It has been WAY too long without a post! I am sad to think of all the things that have happened that are not getting documented! Unfortunately, I also have to mention that I killed YET ANOTHER computer. So, what's that, like 3 computers and maybe 3 phones, since starting this blog? Maybe 4 computers. I have lost count. Unfortunately, this time I aimed my poisoned arrow right at the hard drive- and succeeded. Which means, not only did I not update anything for a long, long time, but I also lost all the pictures from that time. So..... I am going to try to blog more. Right now I feel like I am in a transition phase and I'm having to make a lot of  important decisions. Some things that are different about this year or things that I am debating:

1. Rosemary will start kindergarten. About a week after I enrolled her in the local public school, a sign went up and ground was broken on a new charter school right down the street. After much deliberation, I have applied and we are now waiting to find out whether we are able to enroll or if we enter the lottery. So, it's a waiting game.

2. We decided not to start Xander in preschool this year. He would be in the two-year program but will turn three less than a month later. We joined the YMCA and their nursery staff is amazing and they have a schedule that pretty much accomplishes everything I would hope he would get out of a traditional preschool- and we're already paying for it. So, we decided (for now) to keep him out another year. Unless....

3. I am debating whether this is the year I go back into the classroom. I feel bipolar and schizophrenic about this decision. One second I hear that calling stronger and louder and clearer than ever before and other times I'm reminded how I keep taking the fact that I am able to stay home with my babies while they're babies for granted. It is not a decision I am taking lightly. Once I go back, I'm back for good. I'm constantly reminded of one of Rosemary's books I bought her when she was a baby. It's called "The Three Questions" and it's based on a story by Tolstoy. To sum up a very beautiful fable that answers the questions "When is the best time to do things? Who is the most important one? What is the right thing to do?" The best time is now. The most important one is the one you are with right now. The right thing to do is good for the one standing by your side. One major hesitation about going back this year is that it would mean three MAJOR changes: me going back to work full time, Rosemary starting kindergarten, and Xander going to full time daycare. I'm not sure if that would be good for all three of us. Maybe another year to decide. Which brings me to the next thing....

4. If I do decide to stay home another year (or four if I wait for Xander to start kindergarten as was the original plan) I need to find a new direction. For the first three years of my motherhood I was engrossed in one playgroup and made it my life. The next two years were dedicated to another MOMS Club where I was a member of the board and delved into a lot of charity work which I loved. I also heavily involved myself in everything related to motherhood- church groups, medical lectures, books, everything mom you can think of. A few months ago I made some changes to start focusing on myself. We are in the process of church shopping and have found one we really like. I would like to involve myself a little more in the community and in service. I don't know how to do this without a support system, so I'm thinking of getting involved in the church. I want to veer away from motherhood-related organizations and focus on myself as a whole human- not just the mother part. I am a mother and put my children before all else, but it's time I focus on being a better person overall and show them a good example on how to live their life. The mother groups were incredibly important for me as I adjusted to being a stay at home mom, but I now need to focus on other aspects of myself. I see the importance of this more and more now that Rosemary is a little lady and not a baby, toddler, or preschooler. So, whether that means going back to work full time or finding other ways of involving myself in the community- I need to rewrite my mission statement for this stage of my life.

5. This is the year of the house. I have spent five years doing little fixes and now it's time to get this house fixed up. The little fixes just won't cut it anymore. First up is a patio redo. We had tons of flooding problems last year and hopefully the new patio and tweaks to the drainage system will prevent that from getting worse. Second, we are going to repaint the house. Other items on the wish list: repaint and new cabinets in the laundry room, new floors in the living room, and new roof. My dream wish list (probably won't happen this year but I really, really want and need if we are ever going to try to sell the house): new bathroom vanity in the kid's bathroom, complete renovation of master bath, and kitchen renovation. Of course, I learned last year that having this list ensures that if something can go wrong, it will. So, we will see what we are actually able to accomplish this year.

6. We have a lot of fun things planned to break the seriousness of all these decisions we have to make! We have two weekends in Disney on the calendar, and one weekend camping with friends! I already had one girl's weekend away with some incredible friends and have a second one scheduled with yet another beautiful and amazing friend! We are also planning a few days in New York City this summer as a special trip for Rosemary before starting preschool! So while we may not be setting off for Europe and cruising around the Caribbean like we did before we had kids, we are finally planning a big trip that will hopefully quell some of the wanderlust that has eaten at my heart and soul for the past five years.

I realize this blog is usually more of a scrapbook than a journal, but I needed to document these decisions that we are facing at this stage in our lives. I'm sure I will get back to the regularly scheduled cuteness of my precious offspring, but it feels good to get all these decisions out of my head and in a place where I will see it in five years and these decisions are no longer eating at me!