Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Time flies...

No pictures to accompany this post. Just wanted to pop on and record a few things I've been ruminating about and need to get out of my head. My children are growing so fast. Rosemary is a little lady. I am SO proud of her. It has not been an easy road, but when I look at her and see how amazing she is and what a gorgeous, intelligent, headstrong, motivated little lady she is becoming, I realize that all the sleepless nights, all the meltdowns (hers and mine), all the time spent stressing about every little thing was SO worth it. She is not the child I imagined in my head that I would have one day. She is SO much more amazing than I ever could have dreamed. It is truly astounding how she is this human being, completely separate from me, and yet, I MADE her. I felt her kick before she even took her first breath, and now she is about to start preschool. Her imagination is Oscar-worthy. Whether she's playing Princesses or doing an art and craft project, she adds her own little spin to everything she does and makes it FABULOUS (who else would have turned an unfinished wooden birdhouse into a home for little princesses by adding pink paint, glitter, and sequins?!) And Xander is Mr. Personality. He flirts with EVERY pretty lady he sees. He was even flirting with Fergie on tv today! He is not yet walking on his own, but he is climbing on everything and has no problem giving the cat a run for his money. He is starting to express his likes and dislikes (I believe he might just one day be as verbal as his sister, so Lord help me!) I always thought Rosemary had the market cornered on the most emphatic facial expressions, but he is definitely giving her some competition. And he LOVES me. Rosemary was always a mama's girl, until Xander came along, but he has always preferred daddy. Until lately. Now he gives me these humongous slobbery, open-mouthed kisses that make me melt. His little grunt when he laughs gives me goosebumps. I don't know any parent that was not affected by the Casey Anthony trial. It helped put a lot into perspective for me. No matter how truly difficult things get, even when it's tantrums and meltdowns that are making things difficult, I have never once lost sight of how truly blessed I am to be a mother. I have never once taken for granted the gift that I have been given of being a mother. I want nothing more than to do the best for them, and be the best for them. The thought I struggle most with as a mother, especially a stay-at-home mom, is that I am not good enough for them or that they deserve better than me. There are so many thoughts and feelings and judgments that the Casey Anthony trial has brought up in me that I can't even express without breaking down and crying. But to sum it up, I would give my life for my children and can not imagine losing one of them- regardless of whether it was intentional or accidental. I don't think I'd be able to go on living. Ever since the trial, I can't stop staring at them and giving them extra attention. Rosemary is loving it, but did ask why I was smiling at her so much the other day. I just told her because I love her. And that was the entire truth.

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